Archive for February, 2007


I’m not paying attention to my emails right now because I know if I do look at them, I’ll be down here all night answering them and then it’ll end up being 2 am again and then i’ll be sitting at work at 8:30 comtemplating dying because i feel just that gross.

So here I am being focused on this blog entry.

 

The truth is a scary thing sometimes. Mostly because of the reaction. Yours, theirs, that guy’s over there. Whatever. So a majority of the world lie all day, every day, for a good portion of their existance.

There might not be anything wrong with that.

Sometimes people do that because they want to protect someone’s feelings.

Sometimes people do that to protect their own skin.

I don’t know. I’ve always really prided myself on always being incredibly straight up with him, even during those times I come out sounding like an insensitive jackass.

So I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I should tell him what I was going to let happen.

And I know telling him would just make him feel even more insecure and it will eat away at him.

But then I think I shouldn’t tell him because it didn’t happen.

But I almost let it.

Does almost only count in horse shoes and hand grenades?

God! you have no idea what a doosey of a hand grenade this was. He hates him. I mean, really hates him. And you can’t really blame him for hating him. A lot of shit went down and I would probably never stop him if he wanted to throw a punch at this kid.

We’ve known each other for so so long that he knows when I’m not telling him something. He can see it all over my face. In my eyes. And for that reason, I just might end up telling him. And then he’ll hate this kid even more. And he’ll start being insecure about it. So does he really need to know?

Maybe what matters is the fact that it didn’t happen. Maybe that’s the important part.

And maybe I should let it lie.

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Chasing Andrew in Worchester

 

What an amazing show! Julia and I were just saying today that this past show is probably the best we’ve seen of him so far!! 🙂 So awesome!

that’s me?

“The things we do for love…”

 

Maybe I decided the jig is up for a little while. Everyone knows this is me. People still seem to find me now anyways.

Lately… I’ve become very aware of my web presence. I need to start switching up the screen name or something. (actually…. shhhhh…. heh.)

I won’t leave my mug up for very long. I’m already getting bored with my profile’s look and will definitely change it again before the end of Feb. So here is a little window of chance for people to find me easily that don’t actually know me well enough to know my nick name. But… if I don’t like you, there is no way I’ll accept you as a friend, a standard ‘fair warning’. I’ve never been shy at denying anyone.

 

Our Jack’s Mannequin show is now sold out. We will have to be extra crafty with what time we get there now. I’m thinking sleeping bags outside the venue. HAHAHAHAHA!! Yea right… I think I’m getting far too old for that sort of thing.

I could take the cold six years ago when I was laying out in a field at 2 in the morning watching falling stars with Kyle and Jilly. But I don’t think I could still do that now.

I’ll leave the light on

It’s a neat feeling being able to kick my safety net out from under me. I don’t have anything to be unconfident about anymore. I’m doing really good.

I was told a week ago that I always seem to make ‘right’ decisions. And I’ve been thinking about that conversation a lot.

You know what? All my decisions I ever make come from my gut. I go with my gut instinct on pretty much everything.

And I never regret a single decision I ever make.

beating hearts, baby

“we fit like puzzle pieces….”

 

i hate “making things work”. i prefer things to just WORK. and when they are too hard to “make work”, I tend to walk.

yea. i’m probably stupid and niave, but i’m going to hold out on the idea that things that belong together just fit without having to “make it”.

 

besides… after a while, doesn’t trying to “make it work” just means that it doesn’t “work”?

 

stupid crappy metaphor he calls “puzzle pieces”! he just comes into my life when ever he wants to make things hard on me and then leaves again. he’s so good at it.

and i let him. ::shakes her head::