Archive for March, 2007

Melonheads in Manhattan

Wow! So my blog got a lot of hits last night! hmmm…

You know, I have other weird dreams too. Like the one where these big fat fuzzy bees are hugging my legs. And I was trying to walk and they wouldn’t let go of my legs.


And they kinda look like the bee from Homestar Runner.

And they just wouldn’t stop hugging my legs!! I was like, “Get off!” and they were like, “buzz”

The day control left his hands completely. And everything was changed forever.

I still do think about what would have happened if all this hadn’t of happened.

Would we have completely walked by each other?

And then where would I have ended up? With Josh?  Sometimes I doubt I would have ended up with Josh. That things would have ended the way they did with him despite it all.


He says he doesn’t regret any of this. He says that if it wasn’t for all of this, he wouldn’t have me. He says I’m the most important thing in the world to him.

The day control left his hands completely. I hate that day. But I don’t regret how things have turned out. He’s the most important thing in my world too.


You think the big decisions are the ones that we have lots of time to think about? All the time in the world to consider?

No way! Those big important decisions are all the little ones we make every day. All the way up to the supposive big bad decisions that we get more time on than just a split second to consider.

And hopefully all the little decisions we make every day will make those “big” decisions a little more easier to make. And will lead us down a good path. Or, at least, The path we want.

My decisions always get questioned. Hell! Even my little ones get questioned. But seriously, you’ve just got to make your choice and go for it.


I never regret anything, you know. Especially him. He’s probably the best decision I’ve ever made.

The day control left his hands completely. ::sigh::

I can’t help but think about him sometimes. What he’s doing and if he’s having fun. I still check his site from time to time.

He’s an amazing story I just always want to keep reading. And I bet it’s a lot better now that he’s happy.

And I would like to think that at some point, we had sort of became friends. In a whole long distance strangers who have never met sort of way.

I’m silly.


I’ve been dreaming about airplanes lately. It’s weird. I’m always either waiting in an airport with the boy I love or in the process of getting on an airplane. I never know where we are going. I never question it in the dream, or even think about it. I’m just happy that I’m with him. That’s it. Nothing else seems to matter.

I know my ipod is with me in the dreams because I’ll be listening to it and holding his hand or we’ll both be listening to it, an ear bud in each ear.

I think about my cell phone a little bit in the dreams. Remembering tbe rest of my world outside of where I am. But never pulling it out of my purse.


I have to wonder what my dreams are telling me, but for the most part they just feel so… nice. And maybe me missing him so much is starting to take it’s toll on my subconscience.