Archive for September, 2009


you’re my good feeling

it’s kind of amazing that i have this good feeling now, that i carry with me throughout the days.

i honestly didn’t have any expectations of my visit with him, but i managed to take with me this great feeling.
i think i owe that to him. And i hope to return the favor.

and though the two break ups tend to rear their ugly heads from time to time, i’m starting to deal a little better.

i try so hard to pretend they both don’t exist, even though they show evidence of being there from time to time.

i don’t need either of them! I’m better off without them.

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Everytime I think I’m missing him…

I think about how he lied, kept things from me, and deliberately hurt me over and over again….

And then I definitely don’t miss him anymore.

It’s never quite that easy as it sounds though.

Again, it truly helps to have the amazing friends that I have. It really helps. And safety nets in the places I never expected there’d be. That’s been a nice surprise.

These sparks

He pulled me close to him and kissed my face as we were about to go to sleep. And it was so instant that I decided to press my lips against his.

And it was….. Awesome!!
These sparks that I have never gotten from simply kissing someone! I hope he felt that too. If kissing each other constantly for the entire two days after that is any indication.

It was a difficult thing to drive away from.

“What’s meant to be, will be.” Right?
I really like him. He’s fun! And sweet! And definitely kissable too.

Here I am, a week later, thinking about kissing him.

sigh….. rational…… right……

it takes a lot for me to not want to be someone’s friend anymore. It really does.
Because I put up with a lot. A real lot. And come bouncing back for more.

But I have my limit. It’s a really high limit, but it’s there. And very few people in my life have ever hit it.

I had this conversation yesterday with the Verizon operator as I had her add some features to my account.

i really do put up with a lot. And maybe this whole thing was a lesson for me. Because now i know what i’m not willing to put up with.

the stapler

When you get laid off from a job, it is really insane if an employer really expects no hard feelings after that. Nothing personal? Whatever! Don’t expect me to do you any favors.

As I watched several people in the unemployment office get laid off a month ago, there was this one lady who had been working there so long she was months from retirement. Of course! They laid her off. As all of them are packing boxes, I over hear her ask another laid off co worker, “Should I take the staple?” And I pipe up, “do it! Totally! They screwed you out of retirement.” And she nods at me and I watch it go in the box.

I kinda regret not taking the stapler. That probably seems silly. I took a lot more important things with me. At the time, the stapler was the last thing on my mind. (and a good webmaster has little to leave behind anyway because all of it should be in your brain.)

But the stapler is like this metaphor. This Office Space metaphor.
The stapler always survives.

when working was fun…

I haven’t found my dream job yet, but at the jobs I have had: I’ve made friends, goofed a little, and somewhere between the not good moments and the good moments, managed to have some fun.

Now I’m unemployed, still trying to find a job. Hoping to find a good one, in a good place, around some good people. (And I’m always looking for my Dream Job.)
But lately it seems that everyone at their jobs are miserable, scared, and angry. All the depressing status messages on facebook. Listening to my friends talk about their days at work. Over worked and under paid. Unappreciated.

Being laid off kinda sucks (finance wise), but working isn’t looking that great either.

What happened to being able to find some enjoyment in the 9 to 5?

i had two break ups happen at the beginning of the summer.

i’ve gotten over one quite well.

now i need to work on getting over the other one. That one is the less easier one.

one awesome weekend

It was almost 1 am on the Merritt Parkway where I started to thinking, trying to figure out which was better.

Being “rational” or “irrational”.

the Rational: the almost 300 miles and about 20 dollars in tolls.

the Irrational: what if the timing wasn’t so off after all.

For a person who probably looks like they haven’t taken any risks on the outside, I actually make tons of irrational decisions. All the time.

I go with my gut. Follow my heart. Act on most impulses. And I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet.  I just don’t like “what if’s”.

But I went with his “rational” train of thought because he was right. We both have a lot on our minds. We’re both really far. Things are better off this way.

At almost 1 am on the Merritt Parkway, I couldn’t help but smile over my awesome weekend with him. (and secretly hope that there might be an encore of it in the future.)