Archive for November, 2012

Gwen Stacy

My favorite comic book hero is Spiderman. Always has been.

But now that I’m older and wiser, I know why I love him.
Spiderman, he’s been through some shit. I mean, serious shit.

He loses his parents, his uncle, and his first love.

And somehow, with all that loss and pain, he is Spiderman.


I get it now.


So my fear at this point is that I will never get over the hurt he caused me. That this will stay with me and effect every relationship I try to have. God! It already has with, at least, one! Nevermind any underlining effects it’s had on the others.

I will like a guy and be interested in him, even go hang out with him. But there is something that just makes me suddenly scared and take five steps back. The idea of letting someone in is so frightening to me now.

I never used to be like this. I never used to be scared of meeting guys.

I want to get over that. So badly!! Because I’ve met some pretty awesome guys so far and I’d like to give one of them a shot! (That is if they are willing to give me a shot.)

And I don’t want to be somewhere with the new guy I love and see *that* guy and feel the urge to kick him over. New love should trump all the pain and hurt. I’m worried I’m not there yet.

But I haven’t found new love yet. So my fears could be completely unfounded.

So why am I taking five steps back every time?

I would like to find a guy who is kinda dorky like me. Who is funny and keep up with me in conversation. Someone who is smart and passionate about something.

I always thought that I would like someone who could code like me, so that I had someone who understood what I go through on a day to day bases. But maybe that doesn’t need to be the case.

Someone who is nice to their family and friends. Someone who likes animals, so I can trust him around mine.

Someone who would be nice to me and look out for me, even though I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. 😉

Someone who won’t try to change me and support me in my decisions.

Someone who is an amazing kisser and know what he is doing because I probably don’t.

I guess that’s my wishlist of what I’m looking for. Let’s see if this guy stands up to these standards. And hopefully I won’t take five steps back like an idiot if he does.